OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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