Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i now understand why vodka
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
