I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
