I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
