Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
