I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was like eating out sand paper
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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