so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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