how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
