if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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