The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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