We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
