I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
