Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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