I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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