got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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