I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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