Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
