I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
