If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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