Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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