I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
