Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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