Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
