So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
