My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
