I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
