A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
