okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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