I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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