Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
