8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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