You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
