Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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