im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
