She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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