We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
