I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
barbara walters just said penis...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i came on her dog
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
