I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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