Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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