My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
