I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
