I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize