he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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