yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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