just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
