Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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