and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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