i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
