3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
