I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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