During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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