He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
