He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
