The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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