If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
