He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
