Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
