I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
