I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
