the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
