Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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