I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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