Your tits are I can't wait for
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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