its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
