I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize