P.S. I can't hear my feet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
