oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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