Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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