dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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