Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize